Anyway, update time.. I'm down to 155. So I have made some progress. I've gone back and forth on the eating like I should.. mostly going overboard on weekends and over the holidays. Suppose it's the final countdown now. I leave on my trip March 25th.
I've been turned on to heated yoga. It's one of the best workouts I've ever experienced. I'm pretty much in love, but with all the trip preparations money is an issue.
I did apply to my top choice graduate school, and even visited he campus in September. I'm nervous. I don't know what my chances are really, but I do know that I really want it. It's all a waiting game at this point. I guess, really, the easiest thing to happen would be not to get in. But then what? I'm so tired of sitting around. The idea of another year in the same place makes me want to cry.
Suppose I'm feeling most like I need a life change along with a weight change. Le sigh.
1. What questions should I be asking myself?
What do you want? Are you willing to move? Are you willing to take less money? If I don't get into school, what's the next step. If I do get into school, what's the next step.
2. Is this what I want to be doing?
I suppose I would have to say no. I'm bored. And I've been a little ashamed to describe "what I do" for a while now. Do I believe I'm helping children? Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I believe I make teacher's lives a little easier. But I don't feel close enough to the positives.
3. Why worry?
4. Why do I like tv more than exercising?
Why do I like mac and cheese more than vegetables?
5. How do I want the world to be different because I lived in it.
I hope I can be someone's friend.. make a few people smile. I hope most of all to minimize the negative impacts that I could bestow.
6. How do I want to be different because I lived in the world.
To understand real love and compassion, and to understand more than myself.
7. Are religious people better people?
Are parents better people?
8. What is my body telling me?
To get laid, to stop drinking, to drink more water, and to exercise more.
9. How much junk?
10. Laugh more.
11. Where am I wrong?
For being scared. For being lazy. For being defensive, and not being able to enjoy other people's happiness.
12. What potential memories am I bartering, and is the profit worth the price?
Every time you choose your comfort zone over the adventure you were meant to have, you're making a ghastly trade-off.
13. Am I the only one struggling?
14. What do I love to practice?
15. Where could I work less and achieve more?
16. I can't keep myself absolutely safe.
17. Where should I break the rules?
18. Are my thoughts hurting or healing? Attitude.
19. Say I had everything I ever wanted.. then what?
